Caffeine Induced

I'd shoot it up if I could

About Lindsey

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email me: lindseysmo (at) gmail (dot) com

My Flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/smoness

A person of pervasive landscapes. I have an unnatural relationship with Kellog's Frosted MiniWheats. I'm addicted to coffee. Nice people turn me on. I always wet my toothbrush before using it. I paint, take pictures and love anything art related. I don't know how it happened, but I woke up one morning and fell in love with blogging. I'm a bad-ass until I see a cockroach. I love all things water sports. I'd rather die than live without music, books or Rhonda. TiVo is my homeboy. I have Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I like to paint naked. There aren't many things greater than sliding into home plate. I have a dog named, "Sugar;" and Mondays are all about her. I am desperately trying to keep the one plant in our house alive. My brother doesn't know how to spell my name. I twitch when people use the contraction "there's" followed by a plural noun. I reserve the right to type as many run-on sentences as I damn, well please. I'm a sucker for a good panoramic view. Snow is pretty but I'd rather be at the beach. I want to meet Hugh Hefner. I love travel. I hate the mundane. I live a kick-ass life. I dance in public. I have a mole under my right boob. I have a great memory but I'm bad with names. I am obsessed with organizing. The Container Store is my Disney World. The Pottery Barn catalog is my porn. I love to vacuum. I hate doing my hair. Being a grown-up is totally overrated. Making out is the best thing in the world... better than sliding into home plate.

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July 14th, 2008

Why yes, I am like this all the time. Why do you ask?:

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Sugar Monday is not happening today, as I'm watching a defensive driving video and taking state-administered quizzes every hour. Word to the wise: Don't get a speeding ticket, because this shit is BOR-ING. Except for the part where they explained the benefits of caffeine to help combat road fatigue; and then they show a video clip of someone getting decaffeinated coffee at a gas station. These producers are on their game, I tell you what.

So instead, I'm going to leave you with a video clip. This would be me and my cousin, Rachael playing Raving Rabbids on Nintendo Wii. Or, you could call it my best attempt at faking a seizure. You decide.



And OH, I SET A RECORD, PEOPLE. I am that good.

July 11th, 2008

Commence The Wetting of The Pants:

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 Remember when I mentioned sending a virtual portfolio of my photographs to an owner of a new business establishment for possible hanging in said establishment?  Let me remind you of my minor freak-out, in case you missed it.  I finally heard back from the dear, entrepreneur: informing me that he'd like to hang four of my photos.  And I now have a meeting set with him on Tuesday to see the color palette for their walls and discuss the sizes and matting of the prints he likes.

[Pumps fist into the air.]

The prints will be hung in an upscale spa, salon and makeup studio, for which the grand opening was originally set for this week.  However, renovations have put them a bit behind.  I'm not knowing of the modified date; but based on my tour of the building about a month ago, they have at least another month's worth of work ahead of them.  Color me relieved, because it will take me about that long to meet with printers, work out what I want, and get them properly matted, framed and hung in time for the opening.

If you're interested in snooping the four photographs chosen for hanging (shots selected are of the scenic variety, all taken on my trip to Thailand), you can view them here, here, here, and here

Gah! Awesome!:

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 I just stumbled upon one of the greatest artistic tools.  

Ever.  

Like, if I fall off of the face of the earth, cease to exist, you can't find me or reach me on my cell phone?  I will be glued in front of my computer at my office, still playing with the idee Multicolr Search Lab.  You pick between one and ten colors, and it creates a palette for you from Flickr photos.  I could seriously play with this all day.  I will be referencing its genius on a regular basis for future art and home decor projects.

For one of my favorite examples, check out one I created here.

July 10th, 2008

What Personal Space?:

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 I am a very careful person about my presence on the Internet.  Where it seems that there is nothing I won't talk about here, in actuality, there is a lot I'm not telling you.  Not that I don't trust all of you anonymous readers or anything.  You are absolutely my BFFs, love you like a 'sis, and all that.  But address, phone number, passwords to bank accounts?  Hell-to-the-freaking-no.  I even blur out the information on Sugar's dog tags in photos.  So, needless to say, I'm very selective about actually meeting the Internet crazies (which is not an insult. I'M an Internet crazy, too) in real life; and if I make the effort to meet you outside of the world-wide-web, then I have discerned with great surety that you won't hack me into little pieces to be sold on Craig's List, or beg me to "puts the lotion on the skin."

More often than not, if I am meeting someone I first encountered on the Internet, I'm more worried about them thinking that I'm the one to look out for.  What if they think that I am completely off my rocker?  What if they thik I'm completely normal, but they just don't like me?  What if my feet stink, or I say something inappropriate, or I wear the wrong gang colors?  WHAT IF WHEN I MEET THEM I TRY TO MOLEST THEM WITH MY ABRASIVE, "FREE HUGS" PERSONALITY?!

Right now Jen and Jandy are laughing at that last line, because it's funny now.  Sure, NOW.  But after meeting them at our hotel and then getting in our separate cars to go to lunch, I about burried my head under the gas pedal and told Rhonda to, "just floor it!"  I was the crazy, free love, tree-hugging hippie.  And they were all, "Whoa there!  You might have something we could catch."

And then we spent about five hours in a Bennigan's, laughing our heads off about anything and everything under the sun.  Not only did we manage to crack each other up, but we even threw into the mix, a few sincere, adult conversations as well.  All in all?  A perfect first date.  And when it was finally time to leave and get off of our waiter's "people to shoot" list, guess what happened, Internet?  THEY HUGGED ME. 


Photo by Kathy.  Thanks, hon!  -Me, Jen, Jandy, Rhonda


If you are ever propositioned to spend five hours locked inside a Bennigan's with any four people in the world?  I highly suggest this fun-lovin' bunch right here.  -Kathy, Jen, Jandy, Rhonda
 

July 9th, 2008

Getting Myself Dissowned, One LJ Post At A Time:

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   My favorite phrases uttered throughout last weekend's adventure (or, a list of reasons for why these people are my friends), in no particular order:

"Honey, let's hope that your beaver never creeks."

"We just spent an entire lunch talking about three different kinds of poop. Awesome."

"Did I just hear, "hard meat" and, "I didn't feel it in my butt?" That was a prime time for me to start falling asleep."

"Stop laughing! You're making me bounce; and I might fart."

"I am the caped, naked one! Whoosh!"

"I love you."
"I love you more than my Dyson."
"You don't have a Dyson at your house."
"I have your Dyson; and what's yours is mine, right?"
-Long pause and blank stare.-
"You do realize that if I agree to that statement, it is by far the greatest testament of my love for you and our friendship."
"Yes."
-Longer pause and wrinkled forehead.-
Sigh, "Okay... My Dyson is your Dyson."

"Hey, what'd you think of Jandy and Jen?"
"They were awesome."
"Awesome?"
"Awesome."
"How awesome?"
"Buckets of awesome"

July 7th, 2008

Sugar Monday - Never Before Have I Been SO Bummed to Have Not Been There With My Camera:

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As Rhonda, Kathy and I were driving home from Dallas yesterday evening, I gave my father a call to check in on Sugar.  I asked him about their activities, and all he could manage to muster up on the spot was that they had spent the day watching golf and sleeping on the sofa with their heads nestled together.  I let out the obligatory "Awwwwww" and proceeded to inquire if my father and Sugar were an item, if this intimate moment on the couch meant that they were now dating.  I got an exasperated, "Yes, daughter.  Your dog and I are dating...  You uh, didn't want to pick her up tonight, did you?  We can just see you first thing tomorrow."

This morning I walked into my office to be greeted by the happiest, bounciest dog in the world.  Which was a fine relief, I'm not going to lie.  I was a bit worried that when I got to my office today, Sugar would be sitting at my desk, her paws folded in her lap as she says, "Look.  We need to talk.  This isn't going to work out.  Papa Smo feeds me home made BBQ and leaves the toilet seat up for me.  Also?  BACK YARD."  But such was not the case; and it seems that I still have a spot on Sugar's "Five Faves" list on her t-mobile sidekick.

Once Sugar calmed down, dad told me all about the silly things that happened over the weekend.  Like when he took her to the country.  And in an effort to pounce on a frog on what she thought was part of my cousin's back yard, she actually managed to  pounce on a frog on a foliage-covered pond.  What we learned?  Sugar is apparently an above par swimmer.  Before turning Sugar over to him this weekend, I also warned my dad that she is afraid of loud, booming things like fireworks; and that if they were going to launch any in celebration of our nation's holiday, to keep her on a leash or put her in the house.  He opted for the latter while all the men-folk were setting things on fire and blowing things up in said deceiving backyard.  And when he went to check on her after the show, he found her buried in my little cousin's ball pit.  To which I responded, "I am SO getting you a camera."  

July 3rd, 2008

New (how many times can I say "new" in one post? apparently seven):

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 I love to travel (albiet to somewhere far away, or to somewhere new at the end of my street), to explore, and  put myself in unfamiliar situations.  I think it is in those situations when we are most observant, and consequently when we get the most out of an experience.  I think it's a large contributing factor to why I get bored easily, doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over.  The mundane never does much to contribute to a lived life that might inspire me creatively.  However, I will say that since I got involved in blogging, it has made me more observant (and appreciative) of the tiny, day-to-day stuff that normally I would overlook in unrealized complacency.

Quite some time ago, Rhonda and I met with some friends at a new neighborhood coffee shop, where I first met David, my new favorite barista BFF, and where we first heard this intoxicating new sound.  It was so unlike anything we had ever heard before; and so completely awesome, that all four of us stopped our conversation to exclaim, "What IS this we're listening to?!"  Barista BFF, David hooked us up with the desired info; and many moons later (see: last Monday) while shopping at Soundwaves with Ileya, I remembered to pick up their album.

If you have never heard of LCD Soundsystem, I suggest you give them a listen here, or a kick-ass watch and listen here, or here, or another listen to one of my favorite of their tracks here.  I think that maybe if you took U2, The Postal Service, Prince, and Flight of The Conchords and put them all in a blender, the resulting goo (with a sprinkling of The Talking Heads) would be sort-of indicative of LCD Soundsystem.  Although really, I don't think they're comparable to anyone.

Later this evening, Rhonda, Kathy and I are popping LCD Soundsystem into my vehicle's CD player; and we're driving to Dallas, where we're going to spend the weekend playing softball on some new fields, breaking in new surroundings, and meeting lots of new people, not the least of whom are Jandy and Jen!  I'm pretty excited about this whole weekend.  Road trips and mini adventures make me giddy. -- Expect photos... lots and lots of photos. 

July 2nd, 2008

Cold, Square-Cut, Thin Crust, Peperoni & Italian Herb Pizza Wrapped In Foil:

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 The kind for which you wish you had a side of ranch dressing and a big plastic cup of that watered-down punch you always drank at summer camp.  You know the stuff.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a soul-splitting pain in my shoulder blades.  Somehow I managed to fall back asleep in a position that I could probably amend to my Cirque Du Soleil application.  Before leaving for work this morning, I washed down 600mg of Motrin with a glass of, "Ow-Mother F*#%er-Ow!"  All I can say now is, thank the Baby Jesus for anti-inflammatories.

Sugar just yawned in my face; and her breath smells exceptionally comforting today.  Perhaps, despite the back pain.  And my dad brought me cold, nostalgic tasting pizza and tubs of amazingly fresh, cut fruit.  So maybe the universe does balance itself out after all.  Or maybe I've ingested about 200mg too much over-the-counter pain pills, and the lack of sleep in the past two nights is beginning to take its toll.  I'll take my chances betting on the universe thing, though.  At least that way I get a free lunch and doggie-sugars. 

July 1st, 2008

Lindsey, Inc:

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 Yesterday evening I dropped off twelve or thirteen of my paintings to be professionally photographed for prints and my website.  I can't wait to see how the images turn out, as well as how some of them translate to print.  A few of my pieces have stirred up a lot of interest.  And when people ask me about the price, will I sell it, do I have a series, etc., I always respond with, "They're not ready yet.  They have to be photographed.  That one is already spoken for.  Prints?  Uh... sure.  I'll let you know when I have prints."  Eventually, my web developer, John quit calling me, because I kept telling him that the business side of my art life required more attention than I had to give at the time being; and, "No.  I STILL don't have those images for you."  

He's going to get a call from me in about a week, informing him that I have the images ready; and I'd like to meet with him about the design and launch of my site.  And when John wakes up about a month later from the dying of shock, I'm sure we'll have a rather exhilarating chat about it.  He's going to have a lot on his hands once I inform him that, not only will this site focus on my artwork, but also on this rapidly developing photography thing I have going on.  I am constantly getting asked about prints of some of my (apparently) more popular photos.  And just from word-of-mouth, I keep picking up freelance photography jobs.  I also have another extremely awesome project on which I'm working and hope to have finished by the end of summer.  I'm thinking John will either love me or hate me for dumping so much work on him; but he'll get over it once he finds out that I plan to pay him in gummy bears and mixed tapes.

In the mean time, I have officially taken a week off from work during mid July.  I plan to get the business section of my creative life very much in order that week.  And when that week is over, my incredible wife has planned a lovely weekend away for us.  She's sweeping me off to Galveston for things like baking in the sun, reading, inhaling shrimp poboys and pineapple flavored rum, and a chance for our super soaker to see a world outside of our bedroom walls.

June 30th, 2008

Sugar Monday - 101:

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Things learned about Sugar this weekend:

1.)  She does not only love her new toys.  She LOVES her new toys.  And Rhonda and I cannot get enough of watching her play with them.  I'm pretty positive that this novelty will never get old.  And unfortunately for you, that means you're most likely going to have to live with very frequent pictures of her performing some act of silliness with said toys.  Hey, it's easy Monday material.

2.)  She DOES NOT love Super Soaker water guns.  Especially when her two mamas and her Aunt Kathy are chasing each other around the house with one.  She ran downstairs and hid from us.  Of course, this may be because someone (oh, you know who you are) used Sugar as a doggie shield, because they knew I wouldn't shoot the dog.  And to that, I say BAD FORM!

 

June 26th, 2008

And Now, Kathy Will Probably Never Come To Work With Me Again:

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I'm sitting at my desk, eating frosted mini-wheats dipped in Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt (vanilla flavored, if you'd like to be particular), and I'm thinking, "I wonder, if I leave a trail of these on the floor, perhaps that baby mouse will come out from the abyss between the walls behind my desk, and let me give him a proper rescue..."  

When a baby mouse ran across my feet this morning, I instinctively got up to grab a flashlight for search and rescue purposes, to find none available to me.  I contemplated squinting at the dark beneath my desk.  But caught myself thinking, "The blind leading the young and terrified never really works out in the end."  I wouldn't want to do something embarrassing after all.  The mouse might blog about it.

June 24th, 2008

Two Posts In One Day? The Nerve!

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 There are very few instances in our lives, I believe, when we get the chance to meet someone who is nearly the epitome of everything you admire in a person.  And I think that there are even fewer instances when that person actually becomes your friend.  Like winning the lottery, but better.  Money doesn't give great hug or interject disappointment when you forget to let it open your car door for you.  

In the moment you think you've got it all, that friend kind-of falls into your life, right between your secret stash of comfort chocolate and that little nook where you keep your favorite nap blanket.  It just fits.  And it fits perfectly appended to the little life you've created for yourself with your amazing wife and kick-ass dog in your cozy condo in the city.  As a result, that friend becomes part of your family (or as Rhonda put it a couple nights ago, "part of the RubinSmo clan").  And once someone becomes a part of our family, there are certain conditions one must endure.  One of which being a kidnapping on the night of your birthday: a day that, one person in particular, never gave much of a second thought (or even a first thought, because she's just never been big on celebrating birthdays).  Because we feel mighty lucky to have you in our lives, and we'd be damned if we didn't celebrate the day you were born.

I'm probably going to get a lecture for telling the whole Internet that today is her birthday.  I only just got her to stop twitching about us taking her out for a surprise birthday celebration (she knows there's food involved.  and perhaps dessert.  and lots of spoiling her.  but that's all we'll divulge).  But the lecture is already worth the excitement with which she awaits for this evening to unfold.  If I can be half as attentive and take half as good of care of her this evening, as she so unconditionally takes care of us on a regular basis, then I will consider tonight a success.  And if not?  Well, maybe this post will make up for it.  I'm pretty positive that I can speak for a great many of people right now when I say, "Kathy, we're really glad you were born."

Happy Birthday, oh, third side to the triangle.  We love you. 

Sugar Monday (on Sugar Tuesday morning) - Mama Might Need A Xanax:

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So, Sugar is finally beginning to act like a dog.  And we've realized in the last few times the three of us have visited our friends at The Compound, that Sugar is more consistently playing with toys.  A few days ago, Rhonda and I broke down and bought a bunch of play things for our dear, pupper-do; and I cannot say enough about what a great investment that was.  If only for the hours of enjoyment we get from watching her discover these new toys; and then fall in love with them.  Just two nights ago, Rhonda and I were cuddling on the couch, watching something arbitrary on T.V., when Sugar lept from one side of the room to the other in a great pounce on top of a plush elephant we bought her.  Her comedic timing was brilliant.  And consequently, Rhonda and I nearly wet ourselves with laughter.  



Not only is it great that Sugar is playing with toys now, but she is playing with the toys that we picked out for her.  It's a rather pressuring thing, choosing and purchasing toys for your dog for the first time.  What if she doesn't like them?  What if we spend a ton of money, and all she wants is that bandanna that we can only sometimes coax her to chew on?  What if this elephant that I have fallen madly in love with does not make her happy?  What then?  We start sleeping in separate bedrooms and going to separate movies at the theater?  I don't think I can handle that kind of emotional disappointment, Internet.  I can't afford the therapy because I just bought a bunch of dog toys.

So I suppose it's a minor disaster averted, that Sugar loves the new stuff we got her, huh?

 

June 20th, 2008

Most Excited About The "Clothing Optional" Part:

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 Rhonda and I have been nothing but go, go, go the last few months; and I cannot remember the last time neither of us had any commitments.  In fact, I just got off of a phone conversation with a friend, of which at some point I said, "You know what the best vacation in the world would be right now?  I would absolutely LOVE to have two weeks off from work.  So that I can focus on work at home."  How sad is that?  That my dream vacation is time away from one job so that I might focus on another.  Clearly, I need to be medicated.  Or perhaps I just need a day off to regroup.

Guess what, Internet?!

Tomorrow just so happens to be that day.  I don't know how it happened, but somehow Rhonda and I managed to uncover  A WHOLE DAY of which we had nothing scheduled.  No family obligations.  No softball games/practices/meetings.  No previously scheduled dates with friends.  No events.  NOTHING.  So we have decided to have a Rhonda-Lindsey Day.  It will begin with us sleeping in and sipping coffee at our leisure.  After which, we have a couple's, one-hour Thai massage appointment (OhMyGod, a day of no appointments; and what did I go and do?  But in my defense, IT'S FOR A THAI MASSAGE).  To be followed by more nothing.  I also expect to spend some more intimate time with this book that I have been carrying around for a week now (as if it were the holy grail), as well as this book that I dove into a while ago and have yet to finish.  I even slightly anticipate working up the strength to hook up our new DVD player, so that we can rent entire seasons of television shows that we have been dying to catch up on.  With exception of leaving the house for a massage, possible DVD rental, and walking the dog, I expect to spend the entire day in my underwear. 

June 19th, 2008

For this, I apologize:

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 In response to Mark G. Harris's challenge, from this post oh, so carefully hand selected by him, a poem:

Kick, Ball-Change:

There was that time I studied dance.  I was nine.
Laced-up jazz flats and warm-ups to En Vogue:
"Now touch your toes!"
"You're never gonna get it, never gonna get it..."
Sixteen years spent.  I still can't touch my toes... or wit.

So it muses,
8 AM poetic verse could use a drip of Dew,
or worse!
A case of the caffeinated foe
tends to propel a faded performer on toe.
In pub-lic.
Tres Tragique.

Although I'll speak to Juilliard, 
dare they drunk-dial my feet some random, August morning.
"Flatley?!  No-no, this is LINDSEY.  Please mind the yawning.
But while I have you listening, 
have you seen my interpretive rendition to Dancing Queen?"

A girl can dream.
 

June 16th, 2008

Thanks Again, Houstonist:

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Another photo chosen for the Houstonist photo block: #15, Tiles and Chucks.  Not only do I feel honored when picked for these photo blocks; but this photo in particular is one of my favorites.  Many thanks to my super sexy foot model, Mark G. Harris


Sugar Monday - Softball Orphan:

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The last month or so, Rhonda and I have been somewhat consumed by softball.  There are a lot of political issues as well as some alternate agendas affecting the sport that which I love with my whole heart.  As such, on top of playing in our regularly scheduled games every Sunday, we have been attending meetings, practices and pre-meeting pow-wows.  The kicker of the whole ordeal is that pretty much none of the drama has anything to do with softball.  My opinion is that we should just play ball.  But that's a whole other topic to be muddled.  My grand point being: We've been kind-of neglecting our little, pupper-do lately.  Especially yesterday, when we left the house at 6:30 IN THE MORNING to be on the softball fields until nearly 3:00 in the afternoon.  Of course we took care of the dog when we got home: walking her, feeding her, loads of doggie kisses and scratches.  But Rhon and I had to pretty much immediately throw ourselves in the shower and get ready to take our dads out for Father's Day.  Poor Sugar was left at home.  Alone.  Again.

  

From the time we returned home from the Dad Day festivities, to the time we finally managed to drag our exhausted bodies upstairs to bed, Sugar was like a toddler on a sugar high.  Riding a pogo stick.  With matches.  I have never seen her so adamantly demanding of our attention.  I played tug-o-war and chase around the living room with her for a good hour, before loading my pockets up with turkey jerky and sending Sugar all over the house doing tricks for treats.  None of this quality time made me feel any less guilty for leaving her so cooped up.  So I'm thinking that a very lengthy trip to the dog park is forthcoming.  Followed by lots of guilted gifting.  Do you think an "I'm sorry" pony is too much?

June 10th, 2008

Lexie Tuesday...

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...Which is in replacement of Sugar Monday this week, except it's on Tuesday, and I really haven't done a proper Sugar Monday in a while, so I know I suck, you don't have to remind me, but I've been really really busy, and blogging just kind-of happens when I have a whole fifty-five seconds (which isn't even a whole minute, I hope you noticed) to breathe, and sweet lord, could this sentence be any more random or long?  AN-Y-WAY:

Lexie.  Meet Sugar's second cousin, Lexie:



Is she not absolutely adorable?  And she is smart and sweet and silly and everything a person could want in a man's best friend.  Well, Saturday morning, Lexie got hit by a car.  She is alive, but it's not good.  I am still awaiting updates of Lexie's status from my cousin, Brandi.  It's looking like anywhere between three and ten thousand dollars to bring Lexie back to normal health; and that does not even guarantee a quality of life comparable to that before the accident.

Keep your fingers, toes, and paws crossed for our little, love, Lexie.  And if you happen to know anyone who wants portraits of their pets, send 'em my way.  I have a few pet portrait and family/pet sessions already lined up; but I will be happy to book as many sessions as I can handle, as, I plan to donate all profits from any pet sessions to the "Save Lexie" medical fund.  Normally, I'm not exactly comfortable pimping business out on my personal blog; but it's to help save a life.  That said, e-mail me at lindseysmo (at) gmail (dot) com with any pet portrait inquiries.

<3 
 

June 6th, 2008

Forget humble and composed:

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 It's a strange feeling, sending a virtual (of sorts) portfolio of (a rather stressfully hand picked selection of) your photographs to the owner of a new business establishment for criticism.  Hopefully criticism like,  "Can we print these bigger?  And make multiple copies to sell?"  

Remember when you were in the eighth grade, and you had a crush on that popular boy (or girl)?  And you wrote him a note on a piece of lined school paper telling him so?  After which, you folded it perfectly and held onto it for dear life until you worked up the courage to pass it to him in World Geography?  That feeling right after you see him open it and you know: THERE IS NO TURNING BACK.  That's what I'm feeling right now.  I'm starting to get a great sense of understanding for what you authors go through when submitting works for publication.

What happens, happens.  And regardless of the "what," I love what I submitted.  I'm proud of it; and would gladly hang in my home, any of the seventeen photos I just deemed to judgment day.  If the powers that be aren't down with my work, I'll happily accept their constructive comments and find some other, more inviting walls to hang my photos.  In the end, I'm happy with myself for not letting an awesome opportunity pass me by; and for getting a rather thrilling ball rolling.  Though, I'm not going to lie: if they decide that they want to sell my prints, I will totally piss myself with glee. 

June 4th, 2008

Photographic follow-up to yesterday's post:

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Click on photo to view all of the notes.
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